Great post about DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), a tactic frequently used in high control religions to prevent their adherents from leaving.
other people’s journeys
High control covens
There’s a new article from Storm Faerywolf on The Wild Hunt today talking about the warning signs of high control groups and covens.
Members of these damaged covens are often instructed not to socialize with others outside the group, or lineage, or are otherwise told certain individuals to avoid. Information is often restricted; leadership oftentimes telling congregants that certain books or materials are forbidden, especially those that challenge the teachings or politics of group leadership.
I’ve written similar articles and lists before too.
And my book Changing Paths is about how to extricate yourself from high control groups and find a healthy group or tradition.
Toxic positivity
There’s a phenomenon in spirituality circles where negativity is strongly discouraged by practitioners. I believe it is known as toxic positivity.
Continue readingSpeaking about negative things or criticising yourself and others was frowned upon. “It was a good-vibes-only kind of mentality,” Miranda explains. “Some of that comes from yogic philosophy, but it’s been exaggerated. You see it everywhere on social media – reels, memes and soundbites about positivity bordering on toxic. Tara Yoga took it to the extreme.” In hindsight, she says, “These thought patterns cause you to overlook your own boundaries, especially when it comes to trusting ourselves.” Yet the idea of letting go of your existing beliefs to become happier and more enlightened was appealing: the idea that you can manifest your way to a better life.
Be like Cathy
When I was 14 or 15 years old and still a Christian, a boy who was older than me (17, I think) told me that God wanted me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t reciprocate but I was worried enough about it that I asked an older female friend, Cathy, what she thought. Luckily for me, she said that if God wanted me to be in a relationship with him, I would feel the same way about it. Thank you, Cathy.
And thankfully the boy accepted that the answer was no.
The girl in this story (Sarah Carr) didn’t have a Cathy. She finally got justice after nearly 25 years.
The pastor who was betrothed to a child — Friendly Atheist
She has also started a group to help people in the same situation:
the Reclamation Collective, a non-profit group that creates space for those “harmed within religious and spiritual spaces.”
Review: An Apostate’s Guide to Witchcraft
Once upon a time, Christendom labelled the Emperor Julian “the Apostate” because he reverted to Paganism. Nowadays, the title is applied to people who leave the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Moss Matthey left the JWs in order to live his truth as a gay man—as many others have left high control religious groups for the same reason.
Not long after he left, he discovered witchcraft, as well as a loving relationship and a community of Pagans and witches and occultists.
This joyous and life-affirming book is the account of his journey from fear and despair to the joy of living as his authentic self, as a gay man and as a witch.
Continue readingConversion therapy survivors flag
I’ve just seen this announcement from the Conversion Therapy Survivors Network on Facebook:
The votes are in! Hunter Moore‘s design will now become the FIRST-ever Conversion Therapy Survivor Flag!
Grey: Represents PTSD and memory loss.
Pink: Symbolizes sexual abuse and marginalization.
Blue: Stands for domestic violence.
Triangle: Inspired by the progress pride flag, it represents survivors overcoming these struggles.
Lavender/Purple: Highlights identity, pride, and community.
Gold/Yellow: Signifies hope.
Green: Reflects the truth of who we naturally are.
I wrote about the effects of conversion therapy in Changing Paths. It is an extremely damaging practice that does extensive harm, including psychological, physical, emotional, financial damage. It even harms people’s career prospects by diverting them away from their studies toward trying to do the impossible. Conversion therapy is a form of spiritual abuse.
Continue readingDeconstruction story: Richard Swan
A friend shared a Facebook post by Richard Swan (in the fun group Dull Men’s Club) today, talking about how vanishingly few people are tone deaf, and most people can sing.
I take the view that singing is an outpouring of the soul and one of the cruellest things a person can do is to tell someone else that they can’t sing, so this is a topic that is very close to my heart.
My interest was piqued so I went searching to find out more about Richard Swan. He’s also written a book for people who think they can’t sing, which looks very worthwhile. And in my travels I found this podcast about his deconstruction journey and wanted to share it.
Continue readingJust visiting
I’ve often referenced these posts by Annika Mongan, which present a fascinating account of what’s happening energetically at evangelical churches, and at Pagan gatherings. I also got independent confirmation of this by speaking to another Wiccan who sees energy as colours (I experience it as changes in temperature) who confirmed that she saw a lot of orange energy around an evangelical campground.
Continue readingA healing journey
A new book from Moss Matthey, An apostate’s guide to witchcraft: finding freedom through magic, explores his personal journey from fundamentalist Christianity to witchcraft.
Moss writes:
Continue readingThis book is about my journey from a fundamentalist Christian cult to the joyous and freeing world of Witchcraft. Blending my personal experience with gentle exercises, this book is for anyone who is curious about witchcraft and alternative spirituality. It is also great for those seeking a way in to witchcraft, especially so if they are coming to this path from another faith. It focuses on joy, enchantment and freedom, to leave any reader feeling uplifted and inspired.
A disturbing history
This is a very disturbing read about institutional abuse by crypto Nazis and very conservative Catholics in Austria in the late 1940s to the late 1980s. Very similar to the treatment of Indigenous children in residential schools, and of Irish single mothers in Magdalen Laundries.
What does this kind of history tell us? That “respectable” people can get away with all sorts of unpleasant behaviour merely by being plausible sounding and having academic credentials.
Continue reading
Changing Paths 