The best dating site, in my opinion, is OKCupid, because you can ask and answer questions about your dealbreaker issues. Then you don’t need to go on a date with some idiot who believes stuff like “women should submit to their husbands” or “pregnant rape victims should carry the foetus to term”.

Maybe you think that no one sincerely believes stuff like that—but they do. Here’s an example that I just saw on Threads:

So, what are some other red flags that you might want to watch out for?

• Being anti-vaccine
• Being anti-choice
• Liking guns (yeah I know, this rules out a vast swathe of the American population)
• Being a creationist
• Being anti-science
• Not believing in climate change
• Being controlling (hard to spot on the first date or to diagnose from OKCupid questions but definitely a red flag)
• Believing that women should not fart or swear (sounds trivial, but it’s a symptom of other weird attitudes)
• Believing that men should not cry or wear nail polish, long hair, dresses etc.
• Going on about how awful their ex-partner was (especially on the first date)
• Commenting negatively about other people’s clothing choices
• Saying that women are less than men in any way
• If the person comments negatively on your appearance (weight, hair, makeup or lack of it). This is a huge red flag because it can be the start of diminishing you in order to control you — the goal is to make you believe that you have no chance with anyone else, and the person is doing you a favour by being in a relationship with you.
• If you end up in bed and the other person doesn’t care about your pleasure, or comments that you’re “promiscuous”

Here’s a Reddit thread with a giant list of red flag OKCupid questions, like “would you rather date someone of the same race?” or “would you rather date someone with a toned body” “would you prefer to date someone ten years younger than you” (Yep, huge red flags).

Feel free to add more red flags in the comments.

Why am I writing about this on a site about changing from one religion to another? Because high-control religions often involve people in coercive and controlling relationships, as I explored in a chapter of Changing Paths.